Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconknight-dawn: More from Knight-Dawn




Details

Submitted on
February 7, 2012
File Size
7.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
739 (2 today)
Favourites
9 (who?)
Comments
18
Downloads
4
×
Chapter One: The Letter

Matthew, Karis, and Tyrell, after being corrected by Queen Sveta's guards, headed to the gate of Belinsk. It was hard to imagine tragedy had so recently struck the area, as the people were already back on their feet. Even Tyrell was in high spirits, despite the frustration he'd shown while waiting for Sveta at the castle.

That was before they met up with the rest of their friends who were waiting at the gate for them as well. The looks on their faces, especially Kraden's, told the trio that they were in for some tough news.

"We waited as long as we could," Amiti said. "Though I should really be getting back to Ayuthay."

"And that's why we were here when Kraden got the letter..." Eoleo finished.

"What letter?" Tyrell asked.

"From Isaac," Kraden said, looking at Matthew.

"Dad," Matthew said, quietly.

"Yes. I think it's best if you read it," Kraden said. "I think the others are curious, too."

"Well, the way you were acting as you read it..." Amiti said, a concerned look crossing his face. "If we weren't worried by the way you were constanly hopping about and saying 'my word,' then I don't think anything could worry us."

Kraden turned a pale shade of red. "Well... Erm... Yes. Just read it, Matthew. It's important."

Matthew nodded, taking the letter from Kraden. The others crowded around the young Earth Adept to get a look at the letter.

...

"Dear Kraden, I hope this letter finds you soon. Are you still traveling with Matthew and the others? I hope so. I have some... bad news.

A large Psynergy vortex has appeared just outside the cabin, and Garet and I are camping out further down the plateau. I fear the Mourning Moon is nigh upon us, but there's nothing we can do.

I warn you against coming back at this time. Something strange is happening at Mt. Aleph, too. Be careful if you're traveling in central Angara... And tell Matthew and Tyrell not to worry too much for us dads. We'll be alright. We're Warriors of Vale, after all.

I wonder... Was that strange light we saw to the east the other night the children's doing? We've heard word of the Eclipse having hit north-central Angara pretty hard. We're all right around the Goma Plateau, since Garet and I were able to protect Patcher's Place and the others nearby. Garet is terribly worried for the kids, even though I promised him I still sense that they are fine. Give them our regards.

Best, Isaac."


...

Karis looked up from the letter and met Kraden's gaze. "Well. That certainly doesn't sound good."

"We still have to go back," Matthew said. "If Dad thinks just warning us against coming home is going to stop us, he'd dead wrong."

"Maybe that's not the best phrase to be using..." Karis chided him.

"Well, if we're going, we better get going," Tyrell said.

The rest of their party exchanged a look. Finally Himi spoke up. "But your father said it was dangerous. We can't just let you three go off on your own."

Amiti nodded. "The letter says it's going to be dangerous in central Angara... Which is where you'd have to travel to get back home, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Karis said, crossing her arms. "That's true."

"What are you suggesting?" Tyrell asked.

"Well..." Amiti said, "Maybe it would be a good idea to travel together for a bit longer. At least until you're safely home."

"Yeah," Eoleo, Himi, and Sveta said together.

Matthew and Karis shared a glance. "You guys would do that? Eoleo, you and Himi don't even have to pass through the mountains, and Sveta should stay here."

"So?" Sveta asked. "We want to. Do you mind?"

Matthew smiled at her, then looked at Karis, concerned. Karis sighed.

"No," Karis admitted. "I guess not."

"Then it's decided," Amiti beamed. "We'll take you three back to Goma Plateau and then go on to Ayuthay and the rest."

"Yeah," Rief said. "You really need to get back..." He cut himself off, remembering how devastated Amiti had been to discover his Uncle's condition.

Amiti's face darkened. "Yes. Of course. But Uncle promised he'd be alright until I came back, and I have to believe him."

"We better not waste time, then," Kraden said. "We'll pass through Bilibin and Kalay to get back. Sveta, if you're coming you'll have to conceal yourself."

"Of course," She said. "I'll just go get ready now. Eoleo, you might want to tell your crew to look after your ship."

Eoleo smiled uneasily. "Aw, they know. They'd die before letting that ship suffer... It being Dad's and all that. I guess it's mine now, though."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, remembering how Briggs had met his end.

"Anyway," Amiti said. "Best to move along."

The others all nodded, and went their separate ways for the moment.

...

They met back a while later, around mid-day. "We'll be in Border Town my nightfall if we get going now," Sveta said, now wearing a concealing hood.

"And from there it's a short journey to Kalay," Karis finished. "Which is just on the other side of the pass through the mountains."

"You kids must be looking forward to seeing Ivan and Jenna," Kraden grinned.

Matthew nodded, smiling happily.

"Well, the sooner we get going, the sooner we'll see them," Tyrell said.

Amiti smiled at Matthew. "Jenna's your mother, right? And Ivan's Karis's father?"

Matthew and Karis both nodded.

"I'm sure they'll be happy to see you both again as well," Kraden said.

"Hey!" Tyrell pouted.

"Oh," Kraden said. "I suppose they'll want to see you too, even if we could replace you with a pidgeon without anyone noticing the difference."

Tyrell looked down. "Not cool. Dad would notice."

Karis giggled. "Actually, even Garet agrees that you're bird-brained, Tyrell."

Tyrell turned bright red. "Shut up. What, is it dump on Tyrell day or something?"

Karis smirked. "I thought that was every day?"

Amiti and Rief both burst out laughing, though it was unusual for them. Soon Himi, Sveta, and Matthew had to join in. Tyrell turned an even darker shade of red, almost matching his hair. "Okay, okay! I get it! Enough! I'm going on, whether you are or not."

He started walking off, and when the laughter finally quieted, Karis shook her head in amazement. "Wow. He actually didn't explode. Maybe he really is getting more mature."

"I doubt it," Amiti said. "He's probably just taking it out on the wildlife."

The group shared a glance. Amiti's comment seemed to be confirmed by what sounded like a Starburst Psynergy exploding in the distance.

Sveta looked rather cross. "We should go stop him."

"Agreed," Amiti and Karis said, together.

Matthew nodded as well, and they ran off to catch up with the red-headed warrior.
Next: [link]
Gallery: [link]

If chapter one doesn't capture your attention completely, rest assured that it REALLY gets better as it goes on.
I'm still in the process of editing the really bad grammar out of the early chapters... And have 4 more chapters to write before I finish it with an even 35 chapters. Yeah.
Word of advice to you fan-fic writers out there: don't attempt to write a huge battle scene with 20 plus people involved. It's insane.
The 31 published chapters are up here: [link]
...But between chapter 2 and chapter 28 I still need to fix some issues it has. >.<

Oh, and finally... The ships this story will contain. :3

Stormshipping (Amiti/Karis), Soulshipping (Matthew/Sveta), Valeshipping (Isaac/Jenna), Lighthouseshipping (Felix/Sheba), Duskshipping (Felix/Karst), Truthshipping (Alex/Veriti)... and several one-sided or hinted-at ships, but those are all the major ones.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconleontinees:
leontinees Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012
This looks good! :-) I´m gonna read it, even if I dislike half of your pairings :hmm:
Reply
:iconknight-dawn:
Knight-Dawn Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012  Student General Artist
Well, I'm glad you think it looks good even though you don't like all the pairings.^^
Hope you continue to enjoy it!
Reply
:iconleontinees:
leontinees Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
Really I am! :D I started to read it yesterday and I´m already at chapter 19. Actually, is kinda hard for me to continue, because like I said, I dont like your pairings (except IsaacxJenna and FelixxSheba :love:) and support MattxKaris or SvetaxVande, for example, being always my fave PiersxHama. And for the new gen ones, I like RiefxHimi and TakeruxNowell (yay for siblings match! :w00t:) even if Takeru hasnt really appeared yet.
But dont take it bad! Keeping on read even if I dislike the couples, it´s only a sign of so good your story is and worth to read it aside of the... uhm, distaste? Besides, you are the writer and has the absolute right to make it as you want :-)
The only thing I would complain about, is Ahri. Since you made a design for her, I expected her to be in the fanfic, specially when Eoleo said at some point he had a girlfriend waiting for him back in Champa... where is she? :? Is she going to show up?
Reply
:iconknight-dawn:
Knight-Dawn Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Ah, Eoleo's girlfriend... She's no warrior, so she's not going to be in it until the end, where she gets a cameo appearance. With... a little surprise, actually.^^
I like RiefxHimi, too... And I thought about Takeru/Nowell.^^ I actually like it a lot too...
And I made those designs after I started the Mourning Moon, because another plot bunny jumped me at a certain point in that story where I thought "what if I took everything in this and turned it on it's head?" That's how that sketch wound up happening... But as I edit the story, I may work Ahri in somehow. I'll see what I can do.^^
Reply
:iconleontinees:
leontinees Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012
I´ve just finished the story! :D OMG, it was really good by far! And you wrote it with that style of "game-narrating" that was almost like I was playing on my DS! :clap:
Oh, with that clue about Eoleo´s girlfriend, I can only guess that she is... well, maybe she has a cake in the oven? ;-)
What I enjoyed the best were the moments of Alex fathering Amiti almost against his own will, like the invisible knot that ties them together but it´s really there. I know that side of him (every side, actually) is difficult to explain, the same as his mind works.
And since you are reediting, I tell you about just two or three typos I saw, if you want to correct. Around chapter 21 or 22, when the party are on middle Gondowan, you speak about "Akufubu" and "Gatomba". I dont know how it is said in English (so excuse me if I´m wrong) but they are Akafubu and Gabomba; anyway, Gabomba is only their deity and the statue, while the town itself is Kibombo. The same with the Tuaparang, half your story says "Tuaperang" so I dont know if at some point you already started to correct it... but I thought it was Tsaparang for English people. Not that it really matters anyway :-). This is all, I hope you dont get mad.
I´m really excited for the last chapters! :eager: Very curious about what was Veriti´s power, too. I also have a bad feeling about Alex, I suspect for him some kind of heroic death like Briggs had... but I dont want Alex to die! :crying: I bet that´s what Camelot reseves for him :worry:
Reply
:iconknight-dawn:
Knight-Dawn Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Cool, I'm glad you liked that aspect of it. I've had people say I narrate it too much like a game a couple times, but I wanted it to read that way.^^
And yeah, Eoleo's gonna be surprised when he gets home, lol.
I love writing that side of Alex.^^ It was fun to portray him the way I did, if a little difficult. As for you later comment on your suspicions of his fate... Well, I'm working on the next chapter now, so it shouldn't be too long a wait.
As for the corrections, I never get mad about that sort of thing. Thanks for pointing those out, I'll be sure to fix them when I get up to those chapters. I was notified by another reviewer about the Tuaparang typo, and I did start typing it correctly for the chapters after that. I didn't go and fix that in the old chapters yet because I was planning to do that anyway. :)
Thanks a lot for reading it! I'm happy you like it!
Reply
:iconhollychaos3500:
HollyChaos3500 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
This sounds great so far!
Reply
:iconknight-dawn:
Knight-Dawn Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks. :D
Reply
:iconmishrito:
Mishrito Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am not aiming this at you, but I liked it back in the time of GS and TLA when adepts were called venus, mars, jupiter or mercury and not earth, fire, wind or water. I mean saying "earth" adept is so boring (sounds cliched what with every other game based on alchemy). This is one of the things I didn't like about GS DD.
Reply
:iconknight-dawn:
Knight-Dawn Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm not totally sure how I was going about the adept names... But I think I was alternating a bit. I know for a fact I call one of the characters both a "Jupiter Warrior" and a "Warrior of the Wind." It depends on the... poetic side of the wording, I guess. Whatever worked best in a particular phrase.
I tried to remedy a lot of the things I didn't like about DD in this.
Thanks for the comment, though. :D
Reply
Add a Comment: